With bump professing his love for Kris Kristofferson in the Retro Rock corner before popping off on holiday I was worried you guys might miss a few of the key news stories. So, as I’m such a nice man, I thought I’d pick the newsworthy highlights from the first few weeks of 2014. However it is possible I’ve picked slightly different stories to the ones bump would have…
1 – Sam Smith was named the BBC Sound of 2014. This seemed to get a lot of coverage in the mainstream press. At least on the BBC website it did and as I’m not a drooling right wing nutbag that is pretty much the only news I can read but let’s assume the Daily Fail and Torygraph covered it as well shall we? Anyway I don’t really know who he is, he sings or something and possibly owns a chain of pubs that sell surprisingly cheap beer that gives you nasty hangovers.
2 – The Ministry of Sound has been saved from the threat of closure. It seems that some kind of deal (presumably involving big piles of cash changing hands) was made with the no-doubt evil property developers and it’s all going to be okay. In more good news for London clubland, and directly in contradiction to my expectations, a new electronic music venue has opened in Hackney. Called Oslo it has a capacity of 600 and so is just the sort of mid-sized venue that has been sadly lacking in recent years. I imagine it will try and fill that gap most weekends by hosting some DJs who play “banging up-front sounds” and “bass-laced floor fillers”. It’s possible some drugs may be involved too.
3 – As he’s unbearably hilarious Blur-dude Alex James is releasing a drink called “Britpop”. Feel free to take a pause here to bring your mirth under control.
4 – Don Henley, from the Eagles isn’t Google’s biggest fan accusing them of having total disregard for copyright and “wrecking entire industries”. The man probably has a point but ‘Hotel California’ is still massively overrated.
5 – It seems EDM “superstar” Avicii doesn’t like smoking which I’m sure we can all agree with. Or perhaps it’s big fat sync cheques that really catch his attention. In any case he’s very proud that his tune is being used on a worldwide advertising campaign for some of those new fangled e-cigarette thingies.
6 – Due to the fact we live in a country modelled on the 16th Century our beloved Queen likes to award those she values at the start of each year with frankly incomprehensible “honours” – though if any of her Maj’s staff is reading this I wouldn’t mind a knighthood if one was going, a peerage would also be accepted, Lord Beck of Woking has a nice ring to it.
Anyway in this year’s selection was none other than Pete Tong who got an MBE. Maybe dear Liz is a raver after all? Or more likely it’s that naughty grandson of hers. I bet Harry’s dropped a pill or two in his time, the little rascal.
7 – And finally we discover that the The Simpsons referred to Judas Priest as “Death Metal” and as we all know it is merely “Heavy Metal”. This seemed to cause some upset until they apologised via Bart’s blackboard at the start of a later show. So that’s nice and good to know Metal bands and fans don’t overreact to such things…